Category Archives: Latest Titbits

The End. The Flap. The Interview.

Good morning, my freaky darling. My kinky miscreants.

I have some good news, and some bad news. The good news is, I’m doing an interview! With SJ! The bad news is, this’ll be the last blog post. The good news: There’ll be a new one! You see, the Just Adult Blog site is almost up and running, so we’ll be doing the blogging thing on that site instead. This will mean a whole new blog, a new name, new writers, new content. We’re doing this because the Just-Kinky site is almost ready to open again, and will have a new logo, just as the JE will have a new theme and logo. Not only this, but the story site will be taking new submissions and publishing them. We’re also currently half way through transferring all the old stories, and we’ll be finished with that at some point in the near future. So, really, this blog can’t do all of that justice, and thus the move over to the JAB site. And, remember, that for all these sites you only have to register one, and that one log in will work for all three sites.

Throughout my time on this blog I have worked hard to avoid doing one thing, something I view as quite heinous. I’ve attempted to avoid nepotism. I’ve strived to be as neutral as possible, and I think I’ve succeeded (apart from a time or two where it was suggested to me that I do a post that allows me to divulge my nepotistic side). This post, however, is very special, and I thought I’d give in and just embrace it. So this post is dedicated to my wonderful SJ, author of the blog SJ’s Journey. I was lucky enough to sit down with her for an interview, where we talk about her blog. So, without further ado, here it is, smilies and all.

JV: Okay, well, let me start with the first question (because it’d be wholly revolutionary to start with the second question). Are you wearing any panties?

SJ: Ha! At this precise moment? No, I’m not. First thing I did after walking home was change, and the panties were discarded with quite a gleeful flourish. It was hot, you know.
JV: *Checks* I’m afraid it feels quite hot, down there.

SJ: The weather, I mean. You know, summer.

JV: *Looks outside, at the overcast sky and wind-blown tree* Yes. Summer. Ahem. So, let’s start (for the second time) with a bit of history. How did you get into blogging?

SJ: Oh. Goodness that requires some remembering. Well, I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember, and posting stories and poems to websites for … 7 years or so, I guess. A few years ago I was a regular visitor to an erotic blog written by a British fellow, and I used to correspond with him quite a lot and discuss his blog. That was when I had my first thoughts of trying my own blog, but I was far too much a scaredy cat to make it happen.
JV: So what changed?
SJ: Jules. She’s a bossy fuckin’ thing, isn’t she? The idea was always in the back of my mind, and after a while Jules brought it to the front again.
JV: Ah, yes. I’m reminded of another time she brought something else to the forefront.
SJ: *Raises eyebrow*
JV: Your tush picture.
SJ: Ah. Yes. I remember that.
JV: Hard not to. I remember her plugging your bum on the JK forum.
SJ: I remember that too. Damned position. Position? Damned television making me write position when I meant petition.

JV: Maybe you should turn over to a less subliminally suggestive TV channel.

SJ: No. 😀
JV: :P. [Back on the topic of blogging] My understanding is that you were hesitant to do it. Could you elaborate on your thoughts, feelings on the matter?
SJ: Fear of commitment. Starting a blog would mean being committed to producing a piece of writing to publish regularly. And not only something to publish, something GOOD to publish. Something interesting, thought-provoking, or erection inducing. Part of me worried that I might expose myself as a terrible writing fraud, with cliché ideas that dried up after a few weeks.
JV: You didn’t, though.
SJ: I didn’t. I still have the same fear though. Every time a post something new I fly into a mild panic about how it may be received and whether it’s good enough. I don’t want to post for the sake of it, or bombard people all the time with stuff they don’t care about. I don’t want to be that person. So I still worry that I may become boring to people, even though I try very hard not to!
JV: Trust me, you succeeded. Something you said intrigued me: ‘or bombard people all the time with stuff they don’t care about’. Surely the advantage of a blog is that you can write about what you care about, regardless of what your readers think?
SJ: Definitely. The first person you should write for is you, I firmly believe that. However, if you take that writing to a public forum, and ask people to read it, then you do need to consider them. Once you take it to that forum, you are in part writing for an audience. If it were solely for your own pleasure, your private journal would suffice, no? 🙂
JV: Indeed. Let’s talk about content. You do stories, poems, talk about your own personal life, and do toy reviews.
SJ: I do yes I do!
JV: What is it you enjoy writing (about) the most? Do you have preferences?
SJ: Well, the research leading up to toy reviews is especially enjoyable …
JV: I’ll bet. Actually, since I’m sometimes privy to the research, I can vouch for that.
SJ: *Blushes* I like when you help me research.

JV: As do I 😉 

SJ: But the writing that I enjoy the most, just for writing, I’d have to say stories.

JV Howzat?
SJ: Stories are something different. They take on a life of their own, and I find myself immersed within them as I write. There’s this wonderful air of mystery, because I don’t really know where they’re going, or who my characters will be. It’s exciting to find that out.
JV: Tell me about your current story.
SJ: Oh, I couldn’t possibly. It’s a secret. *Shifty eyes.*
JV: *Pouts*
SJ: *Kisses your pouting lips* Top secret. National security, you understand.
JV: Well, could you at least give me a brief summary of what has transpired in this series of stories so far? Explain – as much as you can – what it is?
SJ: The Confessions series?
JV: Yes.
SJ: It’s a series of short stories following the personal life of a young woman who prefers casual relationships over long term committed ones. She’s a busy woman, she hasn’t the time, energy or inclination to commit to a relationship, but she’s also a very sexual person and unwilling to ignore those needs.

There’s a mix of fiction, fantasy, and my own experiences within the stories and within the main character, which I am having a lot of fun with. I’m using her, and her way of living to explore sexuality in society- what’s acceptable and what’s not, why that differs for certain people in society and how our choices affect us. At the beginning, she’s not a very sympathetic character, but as I write more, we begin to see more than just her sexual practices, and understand her a little more. I hope. That’s the plan anyway. And, of course, it’s about hot steamy sex. ‘Cause I like the hot and steamy sex. Very much. Ummm. Have I bored you to sleep?

JV: 🙂 Nope. I’m here. Wide awake. Surfing eBay, but wide awake.
SJ: lol

JV: I want to discuss your sex toy reviews, because that’s a relatively new thing.
SJ: Mmm-hmmm.
JV: I was hoping for more than Mmm-hmmm.
SJ: *Giggle* Is it new? I can’t remember when I posted my first one.
JV: The first was Ina.
SJ: Ah, sweet Ina. She’s a keeper.
JV: She is indeed. How did you start? Maybe a better question would be why did you start?
SJ: I think I sort of fell into it. I was finally rebuilding my toy collection after an ex threw my stuff out in a fit of anger a long while before, and I was really very excited to be doing so. I always enjoyed toys, though I lamented the fact many of them were not very nice to look at, or seemed … tacky. So when I ordered Ina, one of the first building blocks in my new collection, I was thrilled. She was a toy that was special; sleek and beautiful with great features to boot. I wanted to shout it to the world, that I had discovered what sex toys for women should be. Also, I wanted to brag: Ha ha! Look what I have! Weeeeee!
JV: *Snorts* I may discard that long paragraph, in favour of that last bit. Just so you know.

SJ: Ha ha.
JV: What? It’s more you.
SJ: Guess so.
JV: And things just kind of snowballed. Ina good way.
SJ: *Snigger* Yes, they did. I started doing a review for every new thing I got. It was fun! And people seemed to be interested, because they not only got all the techy details but an idea of the more … personal side of a toy review. Plus, I had an excuse to have more orgasms. Woo!
JV: *Shakes head, smiling* And then you did some for EF [EdenFantasys], too.
SJ: Yes, and another company too. I danced all about the house singing (badly) about how wonderful I am.
JV: Go on.
SJ: Free toys. Did you hear me? Free. Toys. FREE FRICKING TOYS! They were going to give me a toy, for FREE and all I had to do was what I had been doing all along anyway, and throw in a few links to their site. And the toys were free. Make a note of that.
JV: *Makes a note*
SJ: Essentially they sent me a list of products, I selected three or so, and they would send me one of those three to write about.
JV: This is EF or the other site you’re talking about?
SJ: The other site. But then EF got in on the act too. I was a bit of a slut, whoring my blog out to any company willing to give me free toys.
JV: Well, who can blame you? They’re free toys, after all.
SJ: FREE! And all mine! Mine! Mwahahahahahahhah
JV: 😀
SJ: I enjoy doing the reviews, and it seems people enjoy reading them. I’ll do them until I bore of it … which I cannot see happening in the near future. I’m going to investigate buying my domain name, so I can be free to run my blog as I please.
JV: That’s a very good idea. Do you have much to tell about that, or is it more a case of vague unformed (as yet) ideas?
SJ: Let’s just say I am researching my options and considering what I can to do improve my blog. I am of course open to ideas.
JV: And open to other things, too?
SJ: Oh yes, yes indeed.
JV: Good. What about in the future? Are you looking forward to any toys coming your way?
SJ: Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes! Oh gee golly whiz hell yes!
JV: I think that means you’re excited.
SJ: On December 28th I placed an order as a Christmas present to me. By some miracle I had money left over at the end of my pay period, and so I promptly set about looking at ways to spend it. A few days earlier I had spotted a new toy by a company I had not heard of. I fell in love .. so much so I actually dreamt of it that night. I also spotted a second toy that looked quite marvellous, so I bookmarked them, because I first wanted to ask a certain someone’s opinion …
JV: Oh? Whose?
SJ: My imaginary friend Freddy.
JV: Ah, yes. Freddy. I’ve seen him about, hanging out with Charlie the imaginary ghost.
SJ: Anyhoozelbees, they are in transit and I am giddy with excitement. I am hopeful for them to be here tomorrow, but definitely by end of week. If not, I shall be complaining loudly.
JV: (Yay!) I’m looking forward to reading about them. And seeing you play with them. [Post-interview edit: the toys have arrived, so you can look forward to some colourful reviews, readers!] In your blog you talk about, well, you. Do you have a problem with sharing some aspects of your life? Be they the sexual bits, or the non-sexual personal bits?
SJ: When I started the blog I had every intention of being completely open and honest and writing everything I felt like. I was excited about the freedom anonymity gave me. But it hasn’t turned out like that. I’m not anonymous, not really. A lot of my readers are people I have chatted to online for a long time, and there are several of whom I know in ‘real life’. And to be quite honest, even if I had perfect anonymity, I think I would still hold back the more personal things. It’s not me to throw it all out there, to lay myself bare. There are pieces of me, little bits of my soul in my blog because they are in my writing and I cannot avoid that. but for the most part I guard it, much like in the outside world.
JV: I can understand that. Do you think you ever could let go? Let your guard down?
SJ: On my blog? A little at a time. When I post a poem, that tends to be very unguarded. I think I am more likely to reveal myself in stories and poems than in a blog post talking to my readers.
JV: Fascinating. Why are you unguarded in poems? What is it about them that gives you that chance? Or do you choose to be so in poems specifically?
SJ: Poetry is not a choice for me. I bottle things up, that’s how I was raised. We do not show emotion, SJ, and most certainly not in public. Keep it to yourself. My poetry is the result of bottling one too many things.
JV Go on.
SJ: Poetry is that moment when what I am feeling, or what I have refused to feel, takes over. It’s not a thought process, the way stories are. There’s no going back to re-write or edit, I don’t stop and re-read constantly. It flows from me … quite often it feels like it is ripped from me, if the emotion is particularly strong … and writing it releases me from the hold that feeling has on me. Does that make sense?
JV: It does. And thank you for speaking so openly about it.
SJ: Ahem. You’re welcome.

JV: What else, if you have anything planned, can we look forward to from your blog?

SJ: A ‘lift the flap’ edition! Not really. But I do love ‘lift the flap’ books, and the term could be amusingly dirty on my blog.
JV: *Rolls eyes*
SJ: Except computer screens, they no have the flaps, you see?
JV: Well, you can get an accessory for iPads that offer you a flap.
SJ: My blog is not an iPad. I’ve been pondering what I might try next on my blog, but to be quite honest I can’t stop thinking about that package [sitting on the bed, as I edit this, being a numpty, causing troubles with the adapter and chargers – but there’ll be a blog about that from SJ, soon], and the fun I shall have in opening it and reviewing the things inside! I do have some new stories coming up, too, and I am hopeful of perhaps getting a guest poster, just for fun. 🙂
JV: Oh? Do you have anyone in mind for this guest poster?
SJ: Perhaps I do.
JV: Can you tell me?
SJ: No! Is a secret.
JV: 😦 Is it someone I know?
SJ: 🙂 It may be.
JV: Gah! I want to know!
SJ: *Chuckles mischievously*
JV: You’re mean!
SJ: I know.
JV: Hmph.

And this concludes the interview. I’d like to thank my dear, lovely, sublime SJ for taking the time to answer my rather mundane questions with riveting answers.

That’s it, it’s over now. I hope you enjoyed the interview, and the blog as a whole.

This is JV – signing off.


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Filed under Author's Spotlight, Events, Final Thought, Juicy News, Latest Titbits, Saucy Gossip, Stop Press!

The Swiss Army Dildo

Good morning, my kinky miscreants!

The other day, I got to talking to my special someone about, well, random things. We talked of contingency plans in case of a zombie apocalypse, the idiocy of people on forums, cyber fucked our brains out, and the weirdness of people having sex with food. Can you guess which one I’m going to talk about here? And keep in mind I’ve already talked about cyber sex, at length. I’m talking about sex with food. As I lounged in my bath, contemplating the mysteries of the universe, I wondered why people turn to fruits, vegetables, sausages and other such things to satisfy their lustings and desires, needs and aches and wants. It was certainly food for thought.

Using food in sex is certainly nothing new. But, also, to broaden the topic: using sex toys is nothing new. There is evidence that our ancestors, in the Upper Palaeolithic era (roughly 30,000 years ago) were using dildo not just for worship, but for use as a sexual aid, as well as sharpening their flint tools. What? There was an ice age going on, and they couldn’t afford to make things specifically for one purpose. That flint knife? That was for hunting, eating, making things, and as a pillow. Arrows were both an arrow, and a toothpick. Deer horns were carvers and used for getting early morning gunk out of your eyes. If they had to make something, it was most likely used for many purposes, like a Swiss army dildo. Of course, with that specific dildo, it’s always possible that the husband, Ugg, couldn’t find his multi-purpose sharpener/toilet paper and decided to use his wife’s, Ugh, dildo without asking, and so it was a one time (maybe twice if he thought he could get away with it) occurrence.

Does that seem far-fetched? Perhaps. Maybe they didn’t. Want to know who did? The ancient Egyptians. I kid you not. Evidence has been found that they used these sex aids as far back as 2,500 years ago. Of course, they would have polished their wood. I don’t think they’d use them if they looked like the one in that link. Just imagine the splinters! They’d have to use their pyramids to get them out. Wait, wrong era. Oh! Maybe that’s what the pyramids were used for?

But I can see the same hole (ahem) in that, too. Maybe it was just used for worship, and not as a sex toy? In that case, I turn to my old friends, the ancient Greeks. their art is littered with erotic depictions of threesomes, of people having sex with animals, and of people using dildos. Like here:

This (I think it’s a) woman appears to not only be holding a dildo, but has a box full of dildos. And is also stepping into it, for some strange reason. Maybe that’s what really was in Pandora’s box? Instead of all the evils being let loose, maybe it just seemed like that, because Pandora was annoyed that someone had been snooping around in her things?

Greedy Pandora Never Learned To Share

And to top it all off, you know what else the Greeks did? They made a dildo out of bread. Yep. Think on that next time you chew on some bread sticks. Do you think, when they used hardened bread dildos, that they got yeast infections? And that brings me right back to my original thought – that of food in sex. To be honest, I don’t know why people do it, why it has a certain prominence in porn, but there it is. There are even fetishes around it. From Sploshing – the act of rolling around in food (and other substances of high viscosity) and generally being wet and messy with food – to Sitophiles, who are sexually turned on by food, be it from consumption, or rolling around in it, or direct sexual contact. Does that mean that everyone who watches such things are Sitophiles? Perhaps not. I’m not, and I’ve seen a few women stick phallic shaped foods into holes they weren’t originally intended for. I think it’s more a case of enjoying seeing the woman play with herself, rather than the toy – though I suppose some like that they take ordinary things from around the house and bend them to more sexual acts. Maybe all the bumps from the peas of a sweetcorn are more pleasurable than a scientifically designed dildo?

The use of sex toys didn’t stop, when we came out of the Classical age, though it did become less open to discussion. Whereas in ancient Greece you could openly go to the market and buy a dildo from one of the shops (they’d often carry them around, openly, wherever they went) such sex shops became less commonplace – though I should point out that it was still acceptable to talk about sex, to an extent (the Church clamped down on such open displays of sexuality).

11th-15th Century Chinese Dildo. Talk about taking the bull by the horns.

A number of plays (even one, or perhaps more, by Shakespeare himself) talked of sexual aids, and the Victorians even had book clubs dedicated to erotic novels, which they’d read, out loud, in ordinary coffee shops. But it wasn’t until Victorian England the sex toy itself saw a full resurgence. I speak of Female Hysteria. Oddly enough, this dates back to those pesky ancient Greeks again, where Plato, in Timaeus, compares a woman’s uterus to a living creature that wanders throughout a woman’s body, ‘blocking passages, obstructing breathing, and causing disease’. but I digress. Basically, hysteria was a medical illness – one no longer recognised today – with the symptoms including faintness, nervousness, insomnia, fluid retention, heaviness in abdomen, muscle spasm, shortness of breath, irritability, loss of appetite for food or sex, and “a tendency to cause trouble”. Or, more basically speaking, a woman who wanted to get off. The prognosis for this affliction was simple: masturbation!  Okay, technically it was to have sex if you’re married, get married if you’re single, and only as a last resort, go to your doctor for a pelvic massage until the woman reached ‘hysterical paroxysm’. An orgasm. The words ‘ta da’ pop to mind, right about now.

In the latter half of the 19th Century, doctors were growing tired of giving these vaginal massages to their female patients – literally. It made their arms and hands ache. To combat this, one doctor (I’m really hoping his name was Dr. Strangelove) made a vibrator. There is some contention as to when that took place – some say in the 1880s in England, others the 1890s in the US – but the result is the same. Steam powered thrusting machines, wire coils and clockwork driven vibrators became the norm. In a time when most households had very few electrical appliances like the vacuum cleaner or electric iron (indeed the vibrator was on the market roughly a decade before these) the vibrator was enjoyed widespread popularity.

Until one idiot had to screw things up and point out that it was actually a sexual thing, rather than a medical thing. In those days, people either truly believed hysteria and the hysteria relieving device to be a purely medical thing, or they merely pretended as such, and not, in fact, a pleasure-giving device. It continued to be thought of in this way until it hit its peak in the 1920s, where it came to a head (tehe), when it appeared in a porn film, entitled Widow’s Delight, where a woman comes home with her date, chastely pushes him away, and then rushes into her bedroom, rips off her clothes, and pulls out her vibrator. At this point doctors and husbands at large seemed to realise that it really was something of a pleasure device, and thus unacceptable.

There, it went into decline, until in the 1960-70s, where people started referring to clitoral orgasms, ‘Our Bodies, Ourselves’ trailblazers like Betty Dodson and Joani Blank began to teach women how to give themselves real sexual satisfaction, and coupled with an explosion in the manufacturing industry, when – according to wikipedia – Ted Marche pioneered the manufacturing and distributing of rubber dildos and other sex toys. And the rest, they say, is history.

Of course, this doesn’t explain the fact that I once saw a woman use the two heels from her pair of stilettos, despite having a whole host of sex toys to choose from. Just be thankful it wasn’t 17th Century Venice, where women’s high-heeled shoes could be over 12 inches tall.

That’s it for this week. I hope you had fun reading this.

This is JV – signing off.

If you have any thoughts on this post, feel free to post a comment, or join the JE to have your say! If you have a topic you think is worth covering, then you can leave a comment here, or on the JE, too. Basically what I’m trying to say is: join the JE!

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Just A Few Quick Thoughts …

Good morning, my kinky miscreants!

Yes, I am back! After a hectic two weeks I’m back! First of all, I’d like to offer wholly sincere apologies for buggering off and leaving my fellow kinkites and kinksters in the dark for two weeks. Sadly, family business arose and that meant my attention was required elsewhere. However! I’d like to thank Zena (and Julesy) from the bottom of my bottom for stepping in last week with their insightful post on the goings-on over at the JE.  Speaking of which, I have news.

Usually this blog, in the first two weeks of each moth, have posts on Blog of the Month, and Story of the Month. However, as things are very much up in the air, I cannot continue these for the time being. Because of this I haven’t chosen a new blog for the former. And, yes, I assure you it’s a complete coincidence that the current Blog of the Month is Zena and Julesywoolsy’s. I swear. Granted, I’m doing so with every appendage crossed, including my balls (EDIT by Jules: JV, make sure you change this before publication, or those balls will be carved out on a spoon and served on a plate). But, in the mean time, feel free to cast your gaze to the right of this post, to look upon the blog-roll. Take your pick and get reading. That’s an order!

Too, as mentioned in the previous post by the ever kind and de-spooned Zena and Jules, the stories are being moved from the JK to Just-Erotic Stories, which will be completed in a month or two, so the Story of the Month competition (and blog post. Thanks. I relied on that to ensure I wouldn’t have to think for the first two weeks!) will not be happening – however, that is only temporarily.

Also, (yes, this post shall contain very many alsos. hopefully a few toos, and at least one thus is included in my contract. I tell you, always read the fine-print) we’re moving. That is, the blog is moving. We (and I use that term very loosely, to make myself sound more important than I really am) are currently building up the site ‘Just-Adult Blogs’, which was also mentioned in the previous post, and when finished we’ll be moving FOTB over to that site. Don’t worry. No content will be lost. But since wordpress is becoming a bit more strict, it’s a good idea to move over. Too, the site (which will be known by the abbreviation of ‘jab’ – I’ve promised myself to restrain from making any rude jab jokes until the site is up) will host not just this blog, FOTB, but anyone else who wants to move their old blog over to the new site, can. Just not yet. I think Jules, Molly, Signs, Kestrel and the others who are working tirelessly behind the scenes already have enough on their plate at the moment, don’t you? Besides, I’ll be happy when this is moved, so I can look up how to properly spell Jules’ nickname of ‘Julesywoolsypumpkinpie’. What? I can do that already? Oh. Well. I – erm – you see – I – oh shush!

Lastly, and perhaps the most exciting of all: we are, officially, a company. That’s right! We’ve become officially official. Look! Go to the Just-Erotica home page and scroll down to the bottom. Don’t worry, it won’t take you long, but look at the bottom! See it?

 2011 Copyright Just-Enterprizes Holdings Inc. All Rights Reserved.

Isn’t it pretty? Though with the American spelling, I see. Tut tut, Jules. (EDIT by Jules: *Waves fig*) Never mind.

That’s it from us, for this week. Do take care, and feel free to sign up to Just-Erotica after the beep.

This is JV – signing off, once again.



Filed under JK Blog Gossip, Juicy News, Latest Titbits

Pimping The Tushie-Cast

Good morning, my freaky darlings!

This week, I must tell you (so you know what to expect down the line, and then plan your schedule accordingly) that I was planning on doing a follow-up to last week’s blog post, which detailed an introduction into cyber sex, and I had planned to carry on with an example of what not to do during cyber sex. There would have been cake.

However, we’ve a new feature up on the JK, and remembering how remiss I was in highlighting one of our weekly quizzes a while back, I thought it best that I actually post news, you know, on time! Or at the very least, as close to the time as possible. Because this feature has in fact been up for several weeks. Hey, at least I’m close!

The feature I am talking about is the new JK podcast, known as the Tushiecast! The Tushiecast is hosted by our own Cornish TUSHIE Pasty – or, as he’s now known (because I’ve renamed him), The Artist Formerly Known As CTP. You all remember Pasty Man, right? He’s from that blog, over yonder, way back when, and several other clichés, back when I last did Blog of the Month. Yes, it is he. How very rude of him to be crossing media outlets! Why, he might actually make videos and take pictures! We couldn’t have that. Well, I suppose we could. We do have a Katie Price sex tape, after all.

The first episode of the Kink-Cast was inspired by a trip to the movies, and delves into the concept of comic book heroes, and marvel comics in general, conveying morals, accepting your fate, exploring your own will to do or imagine something, making your dreams come true – and, yes, I am trying to badly use all the tags on the main podcast page. Not badly use the tags, just trying to use the tags, and it turns out I’m doing it badly. Moving on…

The second Tushiecast, firstly, talks about things that are up and coming over on the JK site,  – and he did it better than I do! Bastard!  But he can’t have this blog. It’s mine! I’m emotionally attached to it. Spiritually attached. Physically attached. But he does mention me in it. Says this is one blog that’s always a good read. So I can forgive him. Just a little. Ah, who am I kidding? All is forgiven! In fact, I should invite him on to here to do a special guest writer blog. Wait a minute. That’s how it starts! Ingratiate yourself with the host, get them to invite you onto the writing staff and then – boom! You take over the whole blog! Kicking out JV on his tushie (so that’s where he got his name from). Well, I’m not falling for that – hey! Who put that Cornish pasty on my desk?

I’m sad now. All I can do is carry on writing, and hope that the good people of Kinkland (just left of Legoland, and right next to Disneyland) shall revolt and reinstate me. Later on in the podcast, Pasty talks about making changes to your life. For example, Pasty is moving. Either from home or to London, or from London to home, I can’t be sure. Typing this and listening to it at the same time, perhaps, was not a good idea. He goes on to talk about long distance relationships (LDRs), and the potential for developments for several members. One thing I can elaborate on once I finished this paragraph, and pimp the link.

So here’s the link to be pimped: Tada! Look, it’s a link! It’s a link to a page with pretty things on! It has words and buttons and everything! But no bells and whistles. Unfortunately you must install the bells and whistles yourself. I’m pretty sure there’s an app for just that. Anyhoo, if you click on some buttons at random, on that page I, like, totally pimped out, dude, then you can actually listen to the tushiecasts! Far out! I have no idea why or how I turned into a hippie surfer dude in the space of five words. But I was talking to this guy earlier and he was like, woah, and this other guy was like, wooooah, and I was all, like, woah. True story. The KinkCasts also comes with its own thread over on the JK forum, and the link for that is here. While you have to be a member to view the forum, you don’t have to be a member to listen to the podcast. It’s free, and you can even download it! The running time, on average, is thirty minutes.

That was some expert pimping, wasn’t it? I should make a career out of that. JV: Motherf***ing P.I.M.P. So, before I forget, I did say there was a development about our members getting their spank on. Well, two of our members, Signs and Molly, are now together in orgasmic bliss and red tushies. I, and I hope I speak for all others at the JK – as well as various stalkers on the interweb – in wishing them a happy ever after.

That’s it for this week. I hope you all have a splendid day, week, month, year!

This is JV – signing off.

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Birthday Balls And Hangoveritis

Hello, my kinky readers!

First of all, I must first apologise for taking so long to post the latest edition of this blog (which you can see here, because I’m thoughtful and pimp-whoresque that way), because I’m afraid I was ill. Yes indeedy. I had a sudden unerring and unnerving bout of hangoveritis. Not nice. You become allergic to light, your stomach slowly makes its way up you oesophagus, you come out in a cold sweat that smells strangely of barley (or of rocks. That is what I take the phrase ‘on the rocks’ means. I think you smell of basalt, or something), that you’ve been repeatedly hit over the head with a hamster, and that all you want to do is crawl under the bath’s U-bend and die.

And that was just the Friday. How about you?

Well, my dear kinkettes, the time is now to tell you about the reason for this blog. Now, this is the first of the month issue, so it’s usually about a story or a blog. Not so for this week. Because this is a very special week. It’s a very special birthday week. Yep! The JK is turning 2! Yep, on Friday, 3rd June, the humidity will rise, and the barometer will get low, and, according to sources, the street will be the place to go, because at about half past ten, for the first time in history, it’s gonna start raining men! No, it’s not a sign of the apocalypse (late as usual), but one of the celebrations we have planned at the JK for its birthday! Which, just so as we’re clear, is on the 3rd…(Yes, I did get that wrong in my first draft!)

To celebrate, we’ve a host of festivities and competitions, and first off, we have: the staple that is Moonwytch’s JK &Sex Quiz at the usual time of 10pm UK time on Friday. Beyond that, things get a little crazy. Trust me, that’s normal.

On Saturday, we have a JK Birthday Ball. Regular visitors to the Finger channel will be familiar with the idea of a Chat Ball, for we had our very first Ball last Valentine’s Day

…But for our new readers, I’ll give you a low-down (no, not that low, dirty perv!): You go to the Chat (available to all, member and non-member alike), with a suitably Birthday-ish sounding name, where you will be announced by Signs, the Master of Chat (or whomsoever he gets to be his minion for the night), and there you get to mingle with your other guests, guestesses, hosts and hostesses, dance and laugh and mingle and spike the cyber-punch bowl. Speaking of Signs, I would be remiss if I didn’t say that he is the one who very ably and expertly made these banners that you see in this blog! Pretty, aren’t they? We even have this video for you. Hope you like it!

The Birthday Ball will commence on Saturday 9pm UK time, onwards. 

Sunday sees the return of Molly’s JK Quiz, so be sure to tune in for that! As well, we have the rescheduling of Pazzo’s Puzzle, ‘I Have Never’ (I do believe I have never detailed that quiz in this blog before. I should perhaps remedy that at some point. Sorry, Pazz!), and they will be on, one after the other, on Sunday from 9pm UK time onwards.

At this point, I should really inform you that we will be having a competition. However, tease that I am, I am merely going to inform you that we will have a competition, but also tell you that you’ll have to wait until the end of this blog to read it! *Pokes tongue out and dances*

Don’t worry, you’ve not got long to wait. I’ve only got one other thing to tell you about! On the forums, a special thread will be created, as if by magic, where members can come together to reminisce about special moments  on the JK or a special memory about the JK. Yes indeedy. Much like when a group of old friends get together, have one too many alcoholic beverages and reminisce about the good old times. And while that comparison may seem disrespectful and off-putting, I use it specifically as a segway into one of my favourite memories – one which happened very recently, I might add. There once was a woman named Venus, who consumed vast sums of alcohol intravenous. She got tipsified, and held the JK mystified, with drunk posts that brought laughter from all of us! Yes, she suffered from Hangoveritis, too. So I hope you stop by and give us one…of your favoured memories! But on this, the beginning of our second year, as JK enters its terrible two and learns its first words of ‘slut’ and ‘tit’, I have this message: Fangs for the mammories! 

Well, that’s it for this week. Oh, yes, how could I have forgotten? The competition. You see, the JK has a photo gallery. With that gallery, a special competition will be held, called, imaginatively, the Special JK Birthday Pics Competition. A birthday Album will be created where you can upload pics. Now, these are very special pics, because the rule is that they must be Birthday related. You must be wearing a Birthday related item (and yes, I am only repeating the word Birthday for the Tagging count. Birthday!), like a bow, wrapping paper, candles, ribbons, balloons, anything Birthday related. Or, maybe, just maybe, your birthday suit! The winner of the competition will be announced in the Chat on Sunday, at the end of the celebrations. I do wonder, though, after all this, will you be suffering from Hangoveritis, too?

Now, then. I hope to see you around, and have a great time! This is JV signing off, and tucking in. 

PS: Some gratuitous inclusions of pictures that I couldn’t fit into the main article! 

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Auf Wiedersehen Spank

Good morning, good evening, good afternoon, goodnight and goodwanking!

Today, I address you all, and bid you a fond adieu and guten tag and bon chance and … bugger, that’s all I know of foreign phrases. Gesundheit? Oh dear. I think I should do what millions of people all over the world do whenever their ignorance is on show. Pure nationalist bravado! Yep! For you see I am British, and I have no need of learning other languages, for we have propagated the English language all over the world, so that even the most remote tribes in Borneo, and I’m talking about the ones that still live as Iron age mansluts here, know even just a few words in English – though they’re mainly confined to football chants. Okay, do go easy on me, I beg you. For I’m having a little crisis of mental stability. For I, stoic Brit that I am, am suffering from a bit of an inferiority complex. It’s true. I think I’m the same as everybody else…

Ahem. Why, you may ask, am I talking about football chants? I’m sorry, but I can’t talk about that. I’ve a superinjunction against me – I can’t Imogen why. But, yes, today I talk to you of a fabulous feature of the JK site. This very fine feature you may be familiar with – that of the Chat Kingdom. That nobly fine fixture of our site, where all our frolics take place (Truth or Dare and General Knowledge with Pixie every Wednesday, alternating; Friday’s the weekly JK sex and trivia quiz with moonwytch (otherwise known as Moonie – I’ll let you ask her why, and get a kick or fondle up the wazoo for your troubles); and on Satuday the I Have Never game with Cornish Tushie Pasty. Hmm. Such a preoccupation with tushies, you’d think we’re a bunch of sex crazed loons. We are? Oh.). For, you see, dear kinky readers, our collection of Mods are international (and that’s just Jules), with ones in the UK, US, Australia and New Zealand (Because that pesky onehour difference between AU and NZ was really messing with our plans for world domination) , we’ve got all time zones covered – but, unfortunately, so are the Mods. I keep asking them to be uncovered, but nothing. Not even my attempts to go undercover and penetrate their inner sanctum have come to fruition.

Next we have our Chat admin, Signs. Although he’s very rarely seen under that nome de plume. For he is a man that likes to change his name as often as he changes his underwear (once a week, then) – for that is one of the perks of the Chat. As you don’t even have to be a member, you can input whatever name you wish – though he always chooses something smart arse, of that there can be no doubt. Speaking of perks, you can also have your own, personal avatar. Too, he installs emoticons and smilies – which often has some humourous results, as I try to have a proper conversation using only these emotes. Do you know how hard it is to signal mopping up the spilled margaritas with smilies? Especially with sexually inclined smilies? Try it, I dare you! Finally, there are some more vocal items that you can use. these so called ‘voice smilies’ are phrases you type which, when entered into the board, it plays a recorded sound or phrase. Just be sure to have the sound turned off, or earphones plugged in when you’re at work. I still maintain my playing the *winkie* phrase without earphones, and the volume up at 100% is the reason why I was fired. The fact that I was stealing office supplies and photocopying my bum and using the copies as memo papers had absolutely nothing to do with it. I mean really, how could they tell it was me? I’m sure many people have that same tattoo on their left bum cheek.



I think now may be a good point to stop talking! But before I go, I would be remiss if I didn’t remind you, upon Jules’s entrance into the Chat Kingdom, to play the *jules* voice smilie!

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu, my fellow kinksters, and have a good night!

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The Twitwank

I am most unzipped.

No, I don’t mean in the connotation you’re thinking of, although I do so very much wish I were unzipped at this very moment. No, by unzipped I mean I am thoroughly irked. I merely used that word because it’s oh so kinky sounding! Yes, I am quite bummed out, come apart, spilled, nettled, turned off, riled and roiled and yes I did have to use a thesaurus to get all those!

The cause of my chagrin (I didn’t have to look up that word that time) is because I delve into an area of the JK that I don’t like. No, not the Sports forum. I’m not talking about an area of the website, but an area of the whole ensemble, as it were. This week I delve into the social networking aspect of JK. And, in keeping with the social networking aspect, I shall convey my information in Tweet form, implementing bullet points of 140 characters or less. I guess this would be quite a short blog. What fun…

  • The JK can be found on several social networking sites, like Twitter and Facebook. #JustKinky and
  • These provide updates on new stories, new blogs, story of the week, quizzes, Just Kinky Daily and some infernal thing called a #twitkiss
  • Yet no Tweets about new Finger blog posts, I hasten to add *nudges and winks at Jules*
  • What is a twitkiss? Is it that you have to kiss a twit? I’m fresh out of twits. Plenty of nitwits, though.
  • Or is it like a twitwank?
  • Too, you can find like-minded kinky people, as well as members of the site.
  • Some members also have pages dedicated to their own blogs, so you can follow them and get their updates too.
  • The Just Kinky Daily can be found here:
  • It is a collection of news stories, art, entertainment, education, environment, health from all over the web.
  • But be sure to check out Slice. WankWednesday!
  • Over on Facebook, you can graffiti the Jay Kay (JK) wall with gems like ‘what am the sky?’ and ‘why do we wear panties?’
  • Except on Facebook, you get to perv over other member’s pictures, too. *Pervs away*
So, whatever your poison (Because social networking is a poison, a venom in my eyes, that you must leach out of your body, as if it were a snake bite and you had to suck it out. Personally, I’m hoping the snake bite would be on a woman’s boob, but that’s just me. Or is it?) you can follow the JK on Twitter or Facebook!


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