The Vanilla, The Neapolitan And The Kinky

They say that the first step into a new dominion is to explore yourself, and then the world around you. The first way to explore a new kinky dominion is much the same. First, you explore yourself, light nipple tweaking and fondling your giblets until you have an eruption to rival Vesuvius, then you explore the world around you. Like checking out the bushes in your local park to see if they hide you well enough for when you wish to experiment with sexual play in public. Like parking your car with your lover in a deserted hill-top car park for some rumpy pumpy. Which, I know from experience, is quite a lot of fun. You get the thrill of outdoors sex without the annoying outdoor weather, and afterwards you can play noughts and crosses with the steamed up windows! Also, you can use the hand-brake as a rudimentary dildo. Just make sure you’re not parked on a slope…

Good morning one and all!

Today I shall be delving into something of a more introspective nature. Nothing heavy, just a peculiarity I’ve noticed through the various times of my log in to Just-Kinky.com. I speak of the introductory paragraph. And this line in particular:

Just-Kinky Is For The Beginner Or The Experienced, For The Vanilla, Neapolitan Or The Kinky

As frequent visitors may know, I have absolutely no idea what Neapolitan means. To be fair, I have no idea what it is to be vanilla, or kinky. So I thought it might be good to have a quick perusal and explanation of what these are, anyhow!

Now, the first hurdle is the classification of the person. It’s a general rule that people cannot be pinioned into a single label, for us humans, even with all our faults – indeed, perhaps because of them – are wondrously multifaceted. One person’s definition of a word may not be another’s definition. Added to that the change regionally, and from country to country (how dare the internet span the world in some sort of world-wide web! That’s just mean!). However, most people still use these labels as a shorthand to define themselves in as few words as possible. That’s fine and dandy, and that’s what I’m going to try to do here.

Vanilla

Get some of me! I’m underlining! Moving up in the world! The online sex dictionary is quite sparse in its definition. It simply says ‘Non-kinky, ‘traditional’ sex, usually between a man and a woman.’ Now, the word ‘traditional’ is particularly hard to pinpoint, given not every country started out with the missionary position, and then developed from there. There’s the kama Sutra, for example, which, if you go by temporal guidelines, is defined as traditional. Simply for being really old. Now let’s put a bit more spin on it, and include the British Medical Journal, which states: ‘Sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual masturbation, oral and anal sex.’

Which is something that I feel is more inclined to what is more widely accepted. It means you don’t use dildos or vibrators or kegel exercisers, more’s the pity.

Kinky

The next in line is, technically, Neapolitan, however I wanted to explore this one, as it ties more closely (at least I think so. Haven’t looked up what Neapolitan means yet) to vanilla sex.

The sex dictionary provides the meaning: ‘Sexual activity that is somehow non-traditional or exotic. See also BDSM‘. Now, I’ll say right now that I believe linking kinkiness with BDSM is a phallicy. Indeed, there is a thread with a link to an online quiz that determines how kinky you are, but when I noted that the questions dealt only with BDSM, I said as much. Further research (as in, asking strangers on the internet) provides more liberal answers. Simply put, it means something out of the ordinary. Something. Out. Of. The Ordinary. Sorry for the broken sentence, but I was imagining William Shatner saying it. This, I believe, covers the broadest range of things. Like whipped cream, handcuffs, toys and, of course, BDSM. However, this theory is rocked by the next thing…

Neapolitan

After many, many seconds of searching – as I listened to the new JK Podcast by Cornish Tushie Pasty, and heard the roar of nearby thunder, and cackle maniacally as I watch my dog, Dog, prick his ears up and hide in the shed – on the internet, I finally found the answer. It us thus:

Neapolitan is a term proposed to describe the sex life of a person that enjoys ‘vanilla sex’ (the commonest, and thus ‘default’, flavour of ice cream is vanilla) as well as other ‘flavours of sex’, such as BDSM.

You can imagine I was quite happy to find this, and yet so surprised and, yes, wounded, that my belief system (because kinkiness is my religion) had been rocked so. The term Neapolitan, if this is to be believed, takes the understand that ‘kinky’ is a byword for ‘BDSM’. Well, I was never known for my smartified smarts (yet my ancestors had that surname), so I still hold to my belief that kinkiness isn’t limited to BDSM. Oh dear. I suppose that sounds like I am anti-BDSM? Certainly not! I just feel these terms are too limiting to be of use in a practical sense. but I’m not giving up without a fight! Well, if it’s limited to vanilla, kinky, and Neapolitan, then what is there to describe the ones who do more than the normal, straight, vanilla sex, but don’t subscribe to the BDSM kinkiness? That is the crux of the matter. Unless there’s another word out there that I haven’t come across, then I am forced, most reluctantly, to presume I’m right.

Wait, what? I’m right? And the world didn’t explode! Hot dickety!

What do you think, my dear kinky readers? How do you define these things? How do you define yourself? And what should this new kinky-but-not-kinky label be called?

Take care, all, and have a very kinky weekend!

You Can’t Handle The Tush!

To be honest, I am having trouble writing this particular blog. Not because of the subject matter, which I adore. Not because of the writing, which is incredibly top-notch. Not because of some distaste of the writer, whom I love, but because of the simple fact that I’ve been banned from talking about me! Seriously, I think I may die half way through the attempt.

So it makes sense, to my mind, that I should start off with the basics, and then lead into the main attraction – because, when you see it, you most likely can’t help but be attracted. I can’t. Every time I see it, I can’t help but imagine one big bull’s-eye on it.

Yes, hello, everyone, my kinky readers, my smutty sidekicks, my princes of Maine and my kings of New England – wait, wrong film. What’s the quote I’m looking for? Ah, yes. ‘Bow chika bow wow’. You see, it is this month’s Blog of the Month that I detail to you today. Now, eagle-eyed readers (or simply readers with very strong glasses that make them look bug-eyed) may notice my disproportionate liking of this, compared to the others. Well, sort of yes, and sort of no, and sort of maybe. I very much enjoy each blog that I choose for here – for otherwise it would not be Blog of the Month, it is merely that I am biased today. So why am I doing this? Simply because this one was suggested to me by Jules. I, personally, wanted to avoid calls of nepotism. I change my number, and block calls, but somehow Nepotism still manages to get through.

What is this blog, I hear you call? It is SJ’s Journey…By SJ. Now here’s a run down of the site, before we get to the heart of the matter. Or, rather, the heart-shaped matter. First is the home, the listing of all the little (or big) blog posts, but we’ll get to that later. Next, you have the welcome. The very nice and thoughtful hello! enthusiastically waved at a computer screen. This is a singular area, which perfectly highlights her as a person. She’s, well, all over the place. Her words, not mine. In one moment, she could be talking about sex and vibrators and orgasms, and the next she could be talking about thieving elves and chocolate – and eating chocolate giving her orgasms. Not sure how that works. Maybe there’s a phallus-shaped chocolate bar? King size, baby! *Eyes up my princeling size*. She talks about whatever’s on her mind, but, as you can see, she is always brutally honest and upfront. 

Next, is her ‘This is me’ segment. Because that picture up at the top isn’t her. She’s in technicolour in real life, I assure you. This gives you a bit more detail about her – well, it should do, after all. It would hardly be fitting if it said ‘this is me’ and then detailed Johnny Depp. Though make no mistake, that is always a distinct possibility. Next is the Contact Me button. In which she states ‘I would love to hear from you. Your thoughts, opinions, reactions. Especially your reactions.’ Now, I don’t know what reactions she means, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t mean she wants a voice recording of you on point of climax – *gets silken whispers in my ear* oh, she does? Huh… Then there are two categories: ‘Erotic Stories’ and ‘Poetry’. I’m sure you can figure out what these are for. Though if you wanted confirmation yourself by reading them, I certainly could not blame you!

Now on to the heart of the matter. For frequent visitors to the site of Just-Kinky, you may already know the story, but if you’re not, then you may enjoy this: Several months ago, SJ and Jules were talking, not sure what about, I’m not psychic – or, you know, a stalker. But for some reason it went on to the subject of SJ’s tush. She loves tushies. She has a particularly fine one of her own, and she likes to see how many tushies she can get away with pinching at any given moment. Jules, in her greedy ways, wanted to see SJ’s arse, which she did. Then she wanted SJ to show it to the world, to which SJ snorted and said no one would want to see it. Jules, understandably, baulked at that, and said people would. In a joking manner, the irascible Aussie (for SJ is an Aussie. And irascible to boot) said that if she got a petition of 75, that she would show it on her blog, thinking that no one would sign it. But people did. 75 people signed it, and the result was a very delectable selection of photos of The Buttocks. Beautiful, isn’t it?

Of course, there are other posts. Very good posts, for SJ is one of our best writers, at the JK, and her style of sensuality and humour make every post a joy to read, so I feel quite guilty for pin-pointing just one, whereas I could just close my eyes and select one at random, and I know it’d be good. But you’ve no need to take my word for it, go look for yourself! And now is a particularly good time to start reading, for she is a connoisseur of sex toys, and she has a habit of leaving reviews, interwoven with very personal stories of her interactions with them – and at this very moment? Well, she has just ordered a couple…

That’s it for this week, and I hope you enjoyed it!

Here, my friends, is the link to her sexy little blog.

Auf Wiedersehen Spank

Good morning, good evening, good afternoon, goodnight and goodwanking!

Today, I address you all, and bid you a fond adieu and guten tag and bon chance and … bugger, that’s all I know of foreign phrases. Gesundheit? Oh dear. I think I should do what millions of people all over the world do whenever their ignorance is on show. Pure nationalist bravado! Yep! For you see I am British, and I have no need of learning other languages, for we have propagated the English language all over the world, so that even the most remote tribes in Borneo, and I’m talking about the ones that still live as Iron age mansluts here, know even just a few words in English – though they’re mainly confined to football chants. Okay, do go easy on me, I beg you. For I’m having a little crisis of mental stability. For I, stoic Brit that I am, am suffering from a bit of an inferiority complex. It’s true. I think I’m the same as everybody else…

Ahem. Why, you may ask, am I talking about football chants? I’m sorry, but I can’t talk about that. I’ve a superinjunction against me – I can’t Imogen why. But, yes, today I talk to you of a fabulous feature of the JK site. This very fine feature you may be familiar with – that of the Chat Kingdom. That nobly fine fixture of our site, where all our frolics take place (Truth or Dare and General Knowledge with Pixie every Wednesday, alternating; Friday’s the weekly JK sex and trivia quiz with moonwytch (otherwise known as Moonie – I’ll let you ask her why, and get a kick or fondle up the wazoo for your troubles); and on Satuday the I Have Never game with Cornish Tushie Pasty. Hmm. Such a preoccupation with tushies, you’d think we’re a bunch of sex crazed loons. We are? Oh.). For, you see, dear kinky readers, our collection of Mods are international (and that’s just Jules), with ones in the UK, US, Australia and New Zealand (Because that pesky onehour difference between AU and NZ was really messing with our plans for world domination) , we’ve got all time zones covered – but, unfortunately, so are the Mods. I keep asking them to be uncovered, but nothing. Not even my attempts to go undercover and penetrate their inner sanctum have come to fruition.

Next we have our Chat admin, Signs. Although he’s very rarely seen under that nome de plume. For he is a man that likes to change his name as often as he changes his underwear (once a week, then) – for that is one of the perks of the Chat. As you don’t even have to be a member, you can input whatever name you wish – though he always chooses something smart arse, of that there can be no doubt. Speaking of perks, you can also have your own, personal avatar. Too, he installs emoticons and smilies – which often has some humourous results, as I try to have a proper conversation using only these emotes. Do you know how hard it is to signal mopping up the spilled margaritas with smilies? Especially with sexually inclined smilies? Try it, I dare you! Finally, there are some more vocal items that you can use. these so called ‘voice smilies’ are phrases you type which, when entered into the board, it plays a recorded sound or phrase. Just be sure to have the sound turned off, or earphones plugged in when you’re at work. I still maintain my playing the *winkie* phrase without earphones, and the volume up at 100% is the reason why I was fired. The fact that I was stealing office supplies and photocopying my bum and using the copies as memo papers had absolutely nothing to do with it. I mean really, how could they tell it was me? I’m sure many people have that same tattoo on their left bum cheek.

Oh.

Erm.

I think now may be a good point to stop talking! But before I go, I would be remiss if I didn’t remind you, upon Jules’s entrance into the Chat Kingdom, to play the *jules* voice smilie!

So long, farewell, auf wiedersehen, adieu, my fellow kinksters, and have a good night!