Ravishment Play

Good morning, my kinky darlings.

Today I write not about something whimsy, or fun, but something far darker than in previous posts. Today I elaborate on something called Ravishment Play. Or, to use the more common name – Rape Play. This is brought about by a thread on the JE that talked about Forced Sex. I found some irregularities in the opening post, indicative of possible misunderstanding by the public at large, and so I thought it should be discussed on here. First, let me be clear, Ravishment Play and rape are too distinctly different things. I myself do not practice either, and am not turned on by either – but I do know enough of ravishment play to act as a teacher, for today. At least, to a certain extent. Beyond that, you’re on your own, dude.

Ravishment Play is where a couple (or even group) enact a role play scenario where one is forced to endure sexual manipulation by another person(s) – but it is done by consent. That is key to the whole thing. If at any time anyone in the role play decides he or she doesn’t want to do it (by using a predetermined safe word), then it’s game over. To continue beyond that turns it into the heinous crime of actual rape, and thus wholly wrong. I think it safe to say that nobody wants to be raped; but people do want sex with a ‘consensual force’ edge to it. The terms of ‘play-rape’ and ‘rape fantasy’ aren’t ones that are favoured by these people (Though some do, I should make clear, perhaps because that’s the phrase it was called when they came to know about it), because that implies that it is anything but consensual, and such terms often confuse people into thinking that some people really do want to be raped. This, I believe, is what happened in that thread. So what is it these ravishees want? I turn, as ever, to the internet. Because we’re already on the internet. It seemed to be the smartest place to look.

•  Primal passion – Ravishment fantasies appeal to primal emotions of lust, aggression and fear, which are often intertwined with one another.
• Physical intensity – Many ravishment fantasies and scenes involve highly physical restraint and resistance. Sex is, after all, a physical act, and intense physicality often expresses and feeds into emotional intensity.
• Paradox and contrast – There is an innate paradox to fantasizing about being “forced” to do something you want done, not to mention the contrast of desire and pleasure with fear and aggression.
• Sweet surrender – For some, it is not resistance or struggle that is the turn-on so much as submission. Being helpless and overpowered allows a “letting go” of anxiety, guilt and inhibition, and an opening to sensation, pleasure and trust.
• Simply irresistible – There is also the desire is to be desired oneself, of the ravishee seeming to overpower in terms of her or his allure, and the ravisher the one who “surrenders” to overwhelming passion.
• Catharsis and closure – Some survivors of sexual assault may find a sense of resolution or healing with a ravishment scene. Such cathartic release is not limited to survivors, however. A person who feels guilty about sexual pleasure, or is troubled by what they consider a “dark and dangerous” fantasy, may also experience this sense of release once their fantasy is made flesh. (from ravishmentinfo.blogspot.com)

That last point you may find very surprising. But it really is true. I frequent a sex toy site, where this has been discussed at length, and one thing that surprised me was that a lot of those who came out and said that they enjoy ravishment play are ones who have been raped in the past. (Though it should be pointed out that this isn’t the case for everyone. Many rape survivors just don’t feel comfortable revisiting such a traumatic event in such a way, and that’s absolutely fine, too.) One thing that we can be certain of, however, is that it’s not just done by people who don’t have a clue. While these points talk mainly of why a ravishee wants the experience, it probably extends to why the ravisher (man or woman) wants to do such a thing, too.

Ravishment play is thought of as the seedy underbelly of the BDSM world. Is it right to think of it in that way? Perhaps, or perhaps not. I don’t know. That it does share common traits with actual rape is not in contention, but I have to be absolutely fair and point out that there are key differences. Above all is consent.

It’s difficult to write this. I’ve known friends, in the past, who have been victims of sexual assault, so it’s hard to look past that aspect to it. But I just ask that you try, because it’s not as simple as thinking that those who are into ravishment play are fools, or that they really want to be raped, or what have you.

This is just the absolute basics of it, but that is the key difference that a lot of people get confused upon. I hope I’ve lessened that somewhat.

This is JV – signing off.

If you have any thoughts on this post, feel free to post a comment, or join the JE to have your say. If you have a topic you think is worth covering, then you can leave a comment here, or on the JE, too. Basically what I’m trying to say is: join the JE.