They say that the first step into a new dominion is to explore yourself, and then the world around you. The first way to explore a new kinky dominion is much the same. First, you explore yourself, light nipple tweaking and fondling your giblets until you have an eruption to rival Vesuvius, then you explore the world around you. Like checking out the bushes in your local park to see if they hide you well enough for when you wish to experiment with sexual play in public. Like parking your car with your lover in a deserted hill-top car park for some rumpy pumpy. Which, I know from experience, is quite a lot of fun. You get the thrill of outdoors sex without the annoying outdoor weather, and afterwards you can play noughts and crosses with the steamed up windows! Also, you can use the hand-brake as a rudimentary dildo. Just make sure you’re not parked on a slope…
Good morning one and all!
Today I shall be delving into something of a more introspective nature. Nothing heavy, just a peculiarity I’ve noticed through the various times of my log in to Just-Kinky.com. I speak of the introductory paragraph. And this line in particular:
Just-Kinky Is For The Beginner Or The Experienced, For The Vanilla, Neapolitan Or The Kinky
As frequent visitors may know, I have absolutely no idea what Neapolitan means. To be fair, I have no idea what it is to be vanilla, or kinky. So I thought it might be good to have a quick perusal and explanation of what these are, anyhow!
Now, the first hurdle is the classification of the person. It’s a general rule that people cannot be pinioned into a single label, for us humans, even with all our faults – indeed, perhaps because of them – are wondrously multifaceted. One person’s definition of a word may not be another’s definition. Added to that the change regionally, and from country to country (how dare the internet span the world in some sort of world-wide web! That’s just mean!). However, most people still use these labels as a shorthand to define themselves in as few words as possible. That’s fine and dandy, and that’s what I’m going to try to do here.
Vanilla
Get some of me! I’m underlining! Moving up in the world! The online sex dictionary is quite sparse in its definition. It simply says ‘Non-kinky, ‘traditional’ sex, usually between a man and a woman.’ Now, the word ‘traditional’ is particularly hard to pinpoint, given not every country started out with the missionary position, and then developed from there. There’s the kama Sutra, for example, which, if you go by temporal guidelines, is defined as traditional. Simply for being really old. Now let’s put a bit more spin on it, and include the British Medical Journal, which states: ‘Sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual masturbation, oral and anal sex.’
Which is something that I feel is more inclined to what is more widely accepted. It means you don’t use dildos or vibrators or kegel exercisers, more’s the pity.
Kinky
The next in line is, technically, Neapolitan, however I wanted to explore this one, as it ties more closely (at least I think so. Haven’t looked up what Neapolitan means yet) to vanilla sex.
The sex dictionary provides the meaning: ‘Sexual activity that is somehow non-traditional or exotic. See also BDSM‘. Now, I’ll say right now that I believe linking kinkiness with BDSM is a phallicy. Indeed, there is a thread with a link to an online quiz that determines how kinky you are, but when I noted that the questions dealt only with BDSM, I said as much. Further research (as in, asking strangers on the internet) provides more liberal answers. Simply put, it means something out of the ordinary. Something. Out. Of. The Ordinary. Sorry for the broken sentence, but I was imagining William Shatner saying it. This, I believe, covers the broadest range of things. Like whipped cream, handcuffs, toys and, of course, BDSM. However, this theory is rocked by the next thing…
Neapolitan
After many, many seconds of searching – as I listened to the new JK Podcast by Cornish Tushie Pasty, and heard the roar of nearby thunder, and cackle maniacally as I watch my dog, Dog, prick his ears up and hide in the shed – on the internet, I finally found the answer. It us thus:
Neapolitan is a term proposed to describe the sex life of a person that enjoys ‘vanilla sex’ (the commonest, and thus ‘default’, flavour of ice cream is vanilla) as well as other ‘flavours of sex’, such as BDSM.
You can imagine I was quite happy to find this, and yet so surprised and, yes, wounded, that my belief system (because kinkiness is my religion) had been rocked so. The term Neapolitan, if this is to be believed, takes the understand that ‘kinky’ is a byword for ‘BDSM’. Well, I was never known for my smartified smarts (yet my ancestors had that surname), so I still hold to my belief that kinkiness isn’t limited to BDSM. Oh dear. I suppose that sounds like I am anti-BDSM? Certainly not! I just feel these terms are too limiting to be of use in a practical sense. but I’m not giving up without a fight! Well, if it’s limited to vanilla, kinky, and Neapolitan, then what is there to describe the ones who do more than the normal, straight, vanilla sex, but don’t subscribe to the BDSM kinkiness? That is the crux of the matter. Unless there’s another word out there that I haven’t come across, then I am forced, most reluctantly, to presume I’m right.
Wait, what? I’m right? And the world didn’t explode! Hot dickety!
What do you think, my dear kinky readers? How do you define these things? How do you define yourself? And what should this new kinky-but-not-kinky label be called?
Take care, all, and have a very kinky weekend!
Finger On The Button 